“You have all this time to really shut down the momentum – the wheel stops. And all this seems to funnel into, ‘Ok, you didn’t see this coming, but there’s a beauty to it that I insist on seeing.’ The beauty is that this is not the maximum depth, keep going. Go deeper.” John Mayer
Sometimes we come across things that act like glowing lights at the end of a pier that bring us back to our first and true passions; things that reintroduce us to our creative pursuits and why the hell we ever sit down and try to bang it out of us in the first place. Today was one of those days where I was beckoned by a blaring light.
I recently was fired from a job that had provided me with a sense of financial security for almost five years; I put myself through college with those paychecks, from those long hours worked. I received no other compensation from the job (emotional, spiritual, ethical, or anything else that feeds the need to achieve greatness), but that fact that it wasn’t my decision to leave was what really knocked me down. This was the first time anyone on a professional level had informed me that I was no longer good enough for them. And the funny thing was that it had nothing to do with my professional performance; I was still performing the job I signed up for with a level of determination that not many other employees were willing to give. Yet, there I sat, in front of a man the company just hired to transition it from the Mom-n-Pop dynamic that makes the American venture so desirable to the corporate world of bureaucracy with its bad habits of being blind to actual talent and hard work. I was fired for seeing more for my future than what they were willing to give. And that’s it.
So here I am, back to square one. After a couple weeks of feeling sorry for myself and actually wondering if I was, in fact, worth anything to anyone, I find myself confronted by the reality that I am a writer. I may have set it on the shelf, next to The Elements of Style, and let it grow old with dust and neglect as I lived the life of practicality but it has always been a constant. Now that I have no thankless obligation to attend to, I have no excuse not to sit and write each day; it’s astonishing what can happen when your only responsibility is to practice what makes you happy. Whether it be stories or book reviews or fashion tips, it doesn’t matter; as long as I feel the click clacking of the keyboard, I have reached my goal.